


Forget me, forget me not

by bbybun97



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: IMSOSORRY, M/M, Memory Loss, angst angst angst, arthur died, he deserves it, hes back though, i cries, i really am sotty, really - Freeform, right now please, somebody cuddle merlin, this is for my twitter moots, you will cry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-14
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:07:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27014767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bbybun97/pseuds/bbybun97
Summary: Even as time passed and his memory fades Merlin's heart will only ever truthfully be Arthur's. His name carved in the deepesr most personal depths of his heart. A whispered prayer of what will be even though it has not come to pass. Arthur will only ever know Merlin even as time chips away at Merlin's mind.
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 49





	Forget me, forget me not

**Author's Note:**

  * For [joggerwriting](https://archiveofourown.org/users/joggerwriting/gifts), [nontiscordardime](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nontiscordardime/gifts).



The first thing that went was his mother. The memory of her faded as time went on. It faded as he held Gwen's hand on her death bed. Hand running through sweat matted curls. Brown eyes blinking tiredly back up at him, and as he opened his mouth to tell her the bedtime story his mother would as a child, he found he could not. For the memory had washed away with time. He tried to remember what her voice sounded like. The smell of her skin when he hugged her, but nothing came to mind. Guinevere slipped away from him in the middle of his thoughts. Weather he was crying because she was gone, or from the fact he forgot the reason he was here in the first place. Merlin did not know. He laid Guinevere to rest underneath the tree by the lake he sent Arthur away on. Then with out looking back at Camelot, he left. He left the memory of his mother behind in stone walls. Grand windows and gold plated emblems of a house that had just fallen. A house he failed to protect. 

The second person he forgot was Gaius. His stronghold, the man who became so much more than a father to him. He found he really didn't care as the memory of his adoptive father refused to come to light. As the thought of him became nothing more than a whisper of his imagination. Time went on the warlock hummed in contemplation, because yes time did go on. Even as those we love pass in the changing seasons. Lives gone by and more are born. People live on and time never really stops. Merlin found he does not really care because the one person he wanted to remember, he would never forget. Arthur Pendragon died as he lived, with the strike of a silver sword. Forged in the breath of a dragon. He died as he lived; a king who never really got the chance to actually live. He died unknowing of the future, of the years of torment the man he came to love more than the tattered cape he kept from his father. More than the snippet of cloth. The only thing he had of his dying mother. 

Time goes on, and Merlin lives. Merlin lives and he forgets. Little by little as his sanity is chipped away by immortality's axe. As his body changes to remain constant with the times. As immortality wraps him in her cold, cruel, and comforting embrace. Never letting him see Death's face, always keeping the knowledge that he would never live a normal life prominent in his head. Merlin forgets Camelot. Merlin forgets how Morgana's voice sounded. He forgets how it felt as the sword in his hand took the breath from her lips. He forgets the knights. The nights of drinking in the moonlight with Gwaine fading as time passes. He does not forget Arthur, even as he fails to remember everything else. The thought brings him comfort, the same way Arthur did.

Merlin can't remember Arthur the morning of January 18th, 2001. He can't remember blue eyes, and strong arms wrapped around him. He fails to think of the smell of sword polish, of sweat soaked armor that he tried to prevent from rusting. He forgets nights of lying on forest floors in strong arms. Lips pressing against his cheek, nose, eyes, and lips. He forgets laughter, and wool bedding. Of animal furs and of food being shared as they waited in anticipation from a battle that will surely come. He forgets a boat he sent away, he forgets tears streaming down hollow cheeks. Of the dead weight of his soulmate as he carried him to the lake of Avalon on a dragons back. Merlin forgets the pained gasps of I love you, and of thank you. Forgets the feeling of warm, sticky blood filling his hand as he pressed it against a rapidly worsening wound. He forgets a bloodied hand running through his hair, of the hand smearing the crimson liquid on his cheek. Of a final kiss as the light faded out of his other half's eyes. Of screaming into armor, begging for Arthur to open his eyes. 

Time goes on, it always does. Merlin evolving with the technology the new times brought. Bearing in mind the destruction and chaos of magic running rampant once more. He lost himself years ago. His heart locked away beyond the gates of a world he will never get to see. He stares at the lake in contemplation before he moves on. Ignoring it's daunting presence. Then he feels it, a pull in his stomach. Tugging it into a tied knot. The feeling of something akin to dread hitting him as his body moved on it's own accord. Then he saw a pale hand reaching up from the water. Silver glinting in the light of the morning sky. He did not register he was running until his knees were on soft sand, and a sword rested in his shaking palms. Eyes tracing over golden Brittonic inscriptions into the blade. Excalibur, he realized with a gasp. Body shaking as the wind picks up. Just enough that a wooden boat was now visible. He'd recognize it anywhere, because it was the boat he sent the other half of his soul down the river on. He does not dare to look up, as the person in the boat steps out of it. He can tell because he hears sand crunching under olden leather boots. Then he feels it, hands, hands everywhere. Hands running across his shoulders, of hands running up and down his spine as he's pulled to his feet and into a hug. Merlin looks up, his blue eyes meeting those of a king lost to time. Then he remembers. Everything comes running back as lips press against his, salty tears streaming down both his and Arthur's cheeks. Looking into Arthur Pendragon's eyes is a lot like coming home, he nods. Yeah, Arthur will forever and always be his home, and hopefully his home would not be going anywhere for a very, very long time.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my first actual fic posted on ao3 and I hope you like it! this fic goes out to my favorite merlin moot (You know who you are)


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